peace “or” ambition versus peace “and” ambition

For the longest time my ambition was driven by me not being at peace with myself. Whether it’s the need to prove myself or the feeling of inadequacy, these negative emotions propelled me to strive for more. The unrest adds a sense of urgency that made me productive and focused.

It worked, to a certain extent. But it’s not sustainable nor enjoyable if I'm only fixated on where I want to get to. It’s like going on a hike, but all you want is to get to the peak. You miss out on the views along the way.

So I’ve been trying to find the sweet spot between being ambitious and being at peace. On the surface, they almost contradict each other. Why would I want to strive for things if I am at peace with myself? On a deeper level, do they lie at opposing extremes? What if one can fuel another?

It’s easy to fall into the faulty binary thinking of looking at things in a black-or-white lens. What if it’s peace "and" ambition? I don’t have a clear answer yet, but here are some directions.

non-answer as an answer

I’ve come to accepting that a non-answer could be an answer. Maybe the key is to not to be overly attached to finding the answer. It’s one of those things where it’d occur as a byproduct of focusing on other things. The more I look for it the less I'm going to find.

insights come after action

Also, if I’m stuck trying to find an answer, I’m not making progress on any direction. Sometimes insights come after you commit and take action.

move pass negative motivators to find positive motivators

In the ideal scenario, my ambition would be grounded by inner peace and fueled by genuine curiosity. But that only comes after shredding the negative motivators like shame, unworthiness, or fear.

embrace emotions

Moving pass negative emotions doesn’t mean rejecting or suppressing. It’d have to come from a place of accepting and deep okayness with having these emotions. By allowing them to flow through, it’s much easier to get to clarity. Still, it’s easier said than done.

These are still WIP thoughts but if this sparks anything I’d love to hear from you!