embrace emotions

Life is richer when we open our hearts.

Our hearts are like rooms with windows. We can keep them open or closed. When we keep them open, a comfortable breeze can flow in. But when the weather is rough, the summer storm blows all the water in.

We can also keep our hearts shut. Water doesn’t splash in. Noise is shut out. That protects us from the unpleasant things in the world. But it also takes away our ability to feel the gentle breeze. The air would get stagnant. We’d miss out on the joys of life.

Why Having an Open Heart is Hard

For many of us, especially guys, feeling our emotions doesn’t come naturally. Growing up, the societal norm is to associate showing signs of emotions with being weak. We were never encouraged to feel, connect, or explore our emotions. We might even get ridiculed when we do that.

We all have emotions. But not everyone was lucky to be in an environment where they were nurtured or acknowledged.

Most of us probably opened our hearts to love, play, and be ourselves as kids. But at some point, something happened or someone didn’t reciprocate. Our emotions weren’t tended to or cared for. That made us feel hurt and started making ourselves closed off. Subconsciously, this made us equate our feelings with being unsafe. Then slowly, we become disconnected and detached from our emotions.

Truth is, getting in touch with our emotions is a brave thing. It takes courage. Having an open heart is not easy. We put ourselves in a position to feel. It’s vulnerable and the world is often not forgiving.

The Downside of a Closed Heart

Being closed off is safe. It is predictable. We don’t give people the ability to hurt us as much. But at the same time, it also deprives us of the love we can give and receive. It’s harder for us to sit with others’ emotions. It’s harder for us to connect with people. It’s harder for us to be authentic.

Closing our hearts means not feeling the emotions. We’d then only rely on our logical brain to go about life. While this is a way of being, life becomes black and white. Life becomes rigid. And isn’t that akin to being like robots?

On Embracing Emotions

Why do humans have emotions? If they had no purpose, wouldn't they have been washed out by generations of human evolution?

An example of how our emotions could be at play, both consciously and subconsciously, is knowing what we want. We think we want money and status, but what we actually want might be to feel safe and loved. We think we want more friends, but what we want might be to feel seen and heard. Most of our wants have deeper, emotional motivations.

Knowing what we want helps with decision-making, because making decisions is an emotional process. Being fluent with our emotions allows us to make better decisions. Better decisions mean better relationships, better business, and better life. After all, life boils down to a series of big and small decisions.

Reframing How We Look at Emotions

Earlier this year, I had a breakthrough therapy session where I realized I have a lot of unfelt emotions. These unprocessed emotions subconsciously influence my behavior and how I make decisions.

To make the unconscious conscious and have more ownership of how I want to live life, I started paying attention to how to embrace my emotions more.

Since then, I’ve learned to welcome all emotions. To be loving and accepting of emotions. As I fully adopted this mindset, emotions like sadness, fear, and insecurity are no longer “bad” or “negative” emotions. They are just difficult emotions that are equally valuable and rich with insights.

Opening up our hearts means we receive and tune into our emotions. Yes, sometimes we’d get hurt. It’s not comfortable. But it is also an opportunity for us to sit with and be with our emotions. What if getting hurt increases our capacity to love?

Like a forest fire, if we don’t feel the harder emotions like anger, sadness, and fear, we are not letting the fire burn. If the fire doesn’t burn, the forest isn’t going to get more space for new trees to sprout. Each forest fire is a cleanse that sets the stage for a healthier, more vibrant ecosystem.

Emotions are there for a reason. If we can learn from them and leverage the information they are trying to tell us, we can thrive in our pursuits and enjoy life. Opening our hearts and embracing our emotions let us feel the texture and spectrum of the human condition. Doesn’t that make life richer?

Closing Question

Which emotion have you been avoiding feeling?